I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
