The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
