she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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