I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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