Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The uberlube is also flammable
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
