Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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