he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
