I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
