I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
