So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
