Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
