i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
