hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
