I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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