Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
