the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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