I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
