I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
