I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
