Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
