I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
