Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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