I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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