Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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