carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
