Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
