Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
