I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
