she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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