Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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