I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
