he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
