I got chris browned last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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