go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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