I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
