HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
