Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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