Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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