I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
