What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
