At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
