You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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