Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
