is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
