my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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