i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
