Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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