Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
