New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
