what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
